tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24739336609936746792024-03-05T03:14:38.062-08:00Adventures With LADAAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-84196785444757313732017-05-19T10:35:00.000-07:002017-05-19T10:35:47.882-07:00More Than You Think You Are<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">More Than Diabetes - Friday 5/19</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">Lets wrap up the week by sharing a little more about ourselves, beyond the chronic illness we or our loved ones live with. Share an interest, hobby, passion, something that is YOU. If you want to explore how it relates to or helps with diabetes you can. Or let it be a part of you that is completely separate from diabetes, because there is more to life than just diabetes! (This topic is a suggestion from the 2016 #DBlogWeek survey.)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">My very first passion was writing. So, naturally after diagnosis, someone suggested I start the blog. It felt natural to write about everything diabetes and mental health awareness. But, I forget that I'm more than that. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Read between the lines. I usually have 3-5 books going at once. There is not once topic I will not read about, even though sci-fi and fantasy are not my favorites. Lately, it has been a mix of behavioral finance non-fiction, young adult fiction, and reading Shonda Rhymes' book. Reading is my favorite thing to do on a summer day, in the park.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Go sports! I may not be able to tell you the blood type of the short stop for the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1956, but I love watching Football, Baseball, College Basketball, Soccer, Hockey, and NASCAR. I'm a Chiefs Fan, A Royal's fan, a KU fan, a SKC and Man U fan, a Minnesota Wild Fan, and a Matt Kenseth/Denny Hamlin fan. What can I say? I like the underdogs (except KU. They are ROYALTY.) One of my bucket list items to see a game in every Major League Stadium and get a hot dog from each one. I've been to 9 ball parks. Looking forward to the rest!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2G_XMXnE8OQ3comeAfKl_zLGxK02eKXBwisEYf2w94EijfJaLIP0bYqOLa_E6fLOonnaXm2R5FJR1sFFAbfZYdCMHGkHXpvCCSVxmGvzaoHzQKKIBV0FEgwl9rJDwrgRxnuO9Aq1G2M7U/s1600/Mike+Charli+Royals.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2G_XMXnE8OQ3comeAfKl_zLGxK02eKXBwisEYf2w94EijfJaLIP0bYqOLa_E6fLOonnaXm2R5FJR1sFFAbfZYdCMHGkHXpvCCSVxmGvzaoHzQKKIBV0FEgwl9rJDwrgRxnuO9Aq1G2M7U/s320/Mike+Charli+Royals.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";">Let's Ride! I love State Fairs. The best is obviously Minnesota. Followed by Texas. Then Oklahoma. There is something about crappy food, summer nights, and a ride on whatever rickety thing they put up in a day with a wrench holding it together. Plus, the people watching is GOLDEN. Another bucket list item: go to them all. I've been to Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Minnesota, New York, Ohio, Iowa, Kentucky, and New Mexico. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">I want to travel the world. I've been almost all over the United States. I've never been off the continent. My dreams are in Ireland, Costa Rica, South Africa, France, Germany, Thailand, and Australia. I love road trips incredibly, and snorkeling has been the most religious experience I've ever had. I was in the Bahamas and all of a sudden I was swimming in a school of manta rays. It was beautiful and I'll never forget it. Every time I go somewhere new, I finish my trip by watching the sunrise on my last day. It's surreal to see that much of natural beauty in the morning. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";">"Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough." (Mark Twain) I love Woodford Reserve. But, I'll drink Jim Beam. I went through a brief Scotch phase. While I crave a good scotch while I'm writing or enjoying a rare cigar, I'm a bourbon girl through and through. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";">Music to my ears. I am in love with live music. I'll see any band or singer at least once. My biggest accomplishment was the year of concerts. In 2013, I saw 44 shows and only spent $113 on concert tickets. I won all the rest. It was crazy. But, so much fun. If you haven't noticed yet, all of my blog posts are named after a song lyric. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoSVuQyiNi4SxERj2bx7rPAWXQXaqDJ0MdsGTfQpkQvTfawIlGv_ajgIPJ5m-l0BQL0JmDjmEMY59jFsLdTJudKhDjb0YQDBMaTOGeODnEEqYoL7kbQrYxk_Jq5zKdTaCH3HrBy-P2LT0k/s1600/Sister+Hazel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoSVuQyiNi4SxERj2bx7rPAWXQXaqDJ0MdsGTfQpkQvTfawIlGv_ajgIPJ5m-l0BQL0JmDjmEMY59jFsLdTJudKhDjb0YQDBMaTOGeODnEEqYoL7kbQrYxk_Jq5zKdTaCH3HrBy-P2LT0k/s320/Sister+Hazel.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First Concert I ever attended by myself. Loved every bit of it.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">I like to scream. Horror movies are fascinating to me. I watched A Nightmare on Elm Street when I was four years old and I have been hooked to horror and gore ever since. The best paper I ever wrote was a twelve page dissertation on how the monsters in horror movies reflect the monsters in society. From The Creature From the Black Lagoon to Scream, I broke down the movies and societal fears. Damn, I love that paper. I think only four pages were required and I couldn't stop. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Die hard Liberal here. Don't let that offset you. I watched all of the debates with a gun-toting conservative. I have many friends on all sides of the political fence. I believe we need to keep these conversations open and be respectful of each other. I think it's the only way we get things done. I don't think what I believe is perfect. But, I will fight for it, along with your right to say what you believe - the only stipulation being that you can't hurt other people. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">My Type 3's. Damn, I'm lucky to have these people. Mom & Dad: Thanks for all you do and never letting me fail. Steph: thanks for the post it reminders and being my big sister. Staci: You always yearn to learn so much for me. Christine: My original Type 3 and my person, I love you big time. Mike: Thanks for always checking on me and knowing when I'm fading. Your EMT background helps tremendously. Brittany: Thank you so much for being my Diabetes when I need to yell at it and giving it a physical form. Last but not least, Amanda: You always challenge me to learn more and more. Plus, I appreciate the laughter when I hate my disease. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">I am a jack of all trades and have many passions. Even though I am the token diabetic to most of my non-PWD friends, I am so much more than just that. <3</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-80123394288120508092017-05-18T16:09:00.001-07:002017-05-18T16:12:58.781-07:00In Disguises No One Knows<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px;">Click here for the <a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13Apr2017c" style="color: #78ab46;" target="_blank">Throwback Thursday: What Brings Me Down - Thursday 5/18</a> Link List</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">Today let’s revisit a </span><a href="http://www.bittersweetdiabetes.com/p/2014-diabetes-blog-week-topics-posts.html" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">prompt from 2014</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;"> - May is </span><a href="http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/may" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Mental Health Month</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;"> so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks again to </span><a href="http://strangelydiabetic.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Scott</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;"> for this 2014 topic.)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Mental health seems to be a re-occurring theme in my blog. I was going to use the Blooper Post for today, but with the passing of <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/arts/music/chris-cornell-dead-soundgarden.html?_r=0">Chris Cornell</a> late last night, I feel like it's an important subject to touch on. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Diabetes is never the same day to day. I'll be honest, most days I don't even notice it. But, when i am tired, or on the blood sugar roller coaster, stressed, worried about money, being cut off from health insurance, or when I'm sick, the mental stress of it comes to surface in a big hard way. It sucks. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Sometimes, I just want to break down and cry. And sometimes, I do. I highly advise (for PWDs and Non-PWDs alike) to have a strong therapist around in days when you don't think you can make it. I also recommend lots of deep breaths, screaming, kicking, cuddling with pets, finding art you can do (mine is writing) to take the focus off, and relying on friends and family even when you think you are being a burden. You may not think they want to hear from you, but they much rather want that call than the call to find out you let the stress take your life. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Forget diabetes for just a second. If you, or someone you know is having problems with mental health, get help now. It's never too early, nor is it ever too late. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">A friend of mine recently found his art is drawing, painting, charcoal, and all kinds of mediums I cannot begin to touch on. He made a card that says, "Take Care. You're the Only You We've Got." It sits next to my window and I see it every day. It reminds me that no matter what life throws at me, I have survived worse. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">If you cannot afford a counselor and you need help, please call 1-800-273-8255. You're too important to let the sad feelings take you out. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-75459806572777370922017-05-17T16:19:00.000-07:002017-05-17T16:19:30.544-07:00Sure Would Like to Stay In Talladega<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px;">The Blame Game - Wednesday 5/17</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px;">Having diabetes often makes a visit to the doctor a dreaded experience, as there is invariably bad news of one kind or another. And sometimes the way the doctor talks to you can leave you feeling like you’re at fault. Or maybe you have a fantastic healthcare team, but have experienced blame and judgement from someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger. Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had. Now, the game part. Let’s turn this around. If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself? Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us! (Thank you, </span><a href="http://brian-the-bsc.blogspot.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Brian</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans"; font-size: 16px;">, for inspiring this topic.)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Let me give you a little background to my diagnosis. The REAL background. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">I was diagnosed as a Type 2 diabetic for over a year before they realized I was actually not producing any insulin at all. I had no insurance and was seeing a state doctor who would come in and talk to me for less than five minutes and write a prescription for Metformin and, later, Victoza. He would look at me and look at the numbers I would come to him with, and say "Keep doing what you're doing." The one time he checked my A1c, he said the blood work was clearly off with a A1c of 14. It got up to 18 before I switched doctors. Enough with the history lesson, though.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans";">I had some MAJOR agoraphobia going on. So much so that I quit my job, I was grocery shopping at one in the morning to avoid people, and I could not leave my apartment without looking at my front door for forty-five minutes before I convinced myself to leave. I missed live music (my absolute favorite thing to do,) I missed birthday celebrations, and I even missed a wedding. For all of you who don't know, I am an extreme extrovert and this made no sense for me. I clearly had something going on, but I had NO CLUE that it was diabetes related. I figured that if it was something was related to my physical diagnosis, my doctor would have caught it. I thought wrong. All of this was going on months way before my Type 2 label. I had tingling hands and feet, I had insatiable thirst, I had frequent bathroom breaks, and I had a number of lady problems-which I will spare you, because ewwww. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans";">The day after I was incorrectly diagnosed with Type 2, I had someone very close to me confront me. Keep in mind, I was stressed. I was afraid. My mental health was deteriorating every minute. I had no clue how to handle everything. This is how I remember the conversation going:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans";">Me: As it turns out, they told me today I have Type 2 Diabetes.</span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Lady (I will keep her anonymity alive because I love her that much) : How did this happen?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: Maybe genetics. I don't really know that much about the disease.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Lady: Really? You can figure it out, I'm sure.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: I really can't. It's been a roller coaster these past few months.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Lady: Think about it. You eat like shit. You're not in control of anything. This makes sense to me.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: But, I wasn't trying to do anything.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Lady: Exactly. You weren't trying not to, either.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: I'm just trying to survive.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Lady: Well, either you won't take care of yourself, or you can't. Which one is it?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Keep in mind this is someone I love, to this day, very much. She is very black and white. She is very matter of fact. She would walk through fire for me. She absolutely had no idea what she was doing.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Have you ever seen Jeff Dunham's comedy? He is a ventriloquist and I used to watch his stuff religiously. Although I don't any more, I have one DVD that reminds me that I can laugh occasionally at his stuff. Bubba J is a character of his that I cannot relate to. I grew up in suburbs where upper middle class was more prevalent than it wasn't. It took me until college to understand that not everyone was in my bubble. If you haven't seen <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-e6QeKvcKs">Bubba J</a>, I suggest you look at that link. Inspired by him, I write what I wish would have happened. Although, I'm guessing it would not be far off.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "PT Sans";">Me: As it turns out, they told me today I have Type 2 Diabetes.</span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: I think der might be a Nascar driver with that sickness</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: Well, it's not really a sickness. It's a disease.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: A disease you can get from beer?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: No, Bubba J. It's a problem where you don't use your insulin correctly.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: My cousin gave me a disease once.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: Whoa, I don't need to know that.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: Too many beers, ya know. It happens to us all.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: But, I don't drink beer. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: Sucks to be you.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: Kind of right now. But, it's not good for me.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: It's good for ev'ry one. It makes us forget.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: I don't want to forget.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: Ewe should! I done love forgettin. Makes me not to remember.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Me: Get serious.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="background-color: white;">Bubba J: I am serious. And I knows I don't have the Section 2 you have. Your problems sound real.</span></span><br />
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Hopefully you get the comedy of this. Even though, Diabetes, no matter which type, is no joke. I just wish I was talking to Bubba J that day.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-86859860598364733462017-05-16T15:52:00.002-07:002017-05-16T15:58:23.182-07:00How Much a Dollar Cost<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">The Cost of a Chronic Illness - Tuesday 5/16</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">Insulin and other diabetes medications and supplies can be costly. Here in the US, insurance status and age (as in Medicare eligibility) can impact both the cost and coverage. So today, let’s discuss how cost impacts our diabetes care. Do you have advice to share? For those outside the US, is cost a concern? Are there other factors such as accessibility or education that cause barriers to your diabetes care? (This topic was inspired by suggestions from </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=http://www.radiabetes.com/&source=gmail&ust=1494982517430000&usg=AFQjCNFMp9ZsGJfms57aeM9E-pxvzwqQPQ" href="http://www.radiabetes.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Rick</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;"> and </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://seejendance.com/&source=gmail&ust=1494982517431000&usg=AFQjCNF_9pSb8WxtPFOdL1yFlpiZNJvZuw" href="https://seejendance.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Jen</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">.)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$4,476: The amount of money I spent in insurance premiums last year. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$713.72: The amount of money I spent in a new insulin pump and CGM (out of pocket) in 2016.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$1000: The amount I spent in doctor's deductibles for office visits.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$250: The amount I spent in lab work from January 1-December 31.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$50 (ish): The amount of money i spent in AA Batteries to keep my pump running.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$36: What I spend on glucose tabs, on average, annually.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">$540: What I spend on Test Strips, on average, annually.</span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">4.5 Days: The amount of days I missed of work last year, strictly relating to Diabetes.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">3 times: The average amount of times I wake up during the week directly relating to Diabetes.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">4 times: The amount of times I changed my lancet last year, and this is a liberal number.</span></span><br />
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$7,065.72 spent on Diabetes, in 2016 alone, not counting the loss of sleep, the dull lancets, and the days missed of work.<br />
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Nothing went "wrong" last year. I had zero complications. No bouts of Diabetes Ketoacidosis, no hospital stays, and no big scares in lab work. So, 2016 was an "affordable year." You don't want to see the receipts from the years where complications do arise.<br />
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Money, strictly speaking, is a big complication in and of itself. I make a pretty good salary. AND I like my job. So, what happens if you don't make good money? Even if you have a college degree to do your job? (See: teacher, social worker, public service jobs, etc.) Money can prevent me from getting that extra lab work I need to check if I am still functioning where I need to be. Money often stops people from checking their blood sugar, affording insulin, getting their much needed treatments, getting health insurance, and seeing a doctor, even though that's what they desperately need. So how does that alone affect care?<br />
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In every way possible.<br />
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Days missed from work? I have PTO! How lucky I am! What about the single people trying to support themselves on an hourly wage where they can't miss a shift, but they are so sick and tired from the highs and lows? They are forced to go and participate in their job, even though it may not be safe for them to be there with their drained bodies and minds.<br />
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Sleeping through the night? Forget it! If you have a low blood sugar, I hope you wake up to treat! If not, it could mean death. High blood sugar? Enjoy spending your nights in between your bed and the toilet to constantly urinate in hopes that you can get to REM in between. (Hint: NO CHANCE.) My favorite is when I'm low and I have a dream where I am at a buffet and I head to the sweets table. I can't tell you how many times I am having a lucid dream about the most delectable cupcake and I wake up sweating, just so I can crawl to the fridge to get juice because I forgot to refill a juice box or glucose tabs by my bed from the last low.<br />
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Lancets - for you non-PWDs- are the little sword inside the contraption you see us hold up to our fingers to test our blood sugar in times of highs, lows, meals, post meals, exercise, or just a general funny feeling. Lancets are infamously never changed except for a few exceptions: see Anthony Hightower, Daylight Savings Time, or a new lancing device. They get dull fairly quickly, but it's one of those things I can control cost on, so I go longer than I should. I used to change them every single time. Then, I realized, that's stupid for me. <i>***Please do not take my advice on this portion. It is is important for safety, sanitation, and your damn fingertips that these be changed every time.***</i><br />
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These are the physical costs. I'm not sure I have the energy to discuss the mental costs: including, but not limited to, exhaustion, worrying about EVERY LITTLE THING THAT COULD AND WOULD GO WRONG, anxiety, depression, the mind fuzziness from a low, the unbearable thirst from a high that you just can't seem to quench, the frustration from not being able to predict what the next day, hour, or minute will look like, or just the mindset of "I don't give a flying f**k" when you've done everything you possibly can. These are what is most costly to me.<br />
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Do I have advice to get through it? Nope. You just do.<br />
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Sometimes with flying colors.<br />
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Sometimes barely clenching on, with your finger nails, in a hail storm, on the side of a muddy cliff.<br />
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So how much does diabetes truly cost? Everything.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-62766520423652584302017-05-15T18:20:00.000-07:002017-05-16T06:58:47.883-07:00Everyday is a Winding Road<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">Diabetes and The Unexpected - Monday 5/15</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px;">Diabetes can sometimes seem to play by a rule book that makes no sense, tossing out unexpected challenges at random. What are your best tips for being prepared when the unexpected happens? Or, take this topic another way and tell us about some good things diabetes has brought into your, or your loved one’s, life that you never could have expected? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">I could give you lots of tips on what to do with diabetes and how to deal with the unexpected roller coaster it always seems to be. However, it would all start and end with a lot of swearing. I don't have all of those answers. What I do have is a ton of GREAT stuff that has happened to me because of this disease.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">How could this be, you ask? How could the girl who is bogged down and complaining about this crappy 24 hour a day/365 days a year autoimmune disease possible find a good thing about it? I know. The feelings, both physical and emotional are stupid. The constant exhaustion wears on me every moment and I am ready to pass this off to [almost] any one who would take it. I ABSOLUTELY hate the money that is associated with it. I am constantly worried about health insurance. I worry about keeping my eyesight, my feet, my kidneys, my heart, and my mind. But, it's not all bad. Here are the highlights:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">1. The passion. Sure, I've always loved dogs. I really enjoy writing. Books and movies take me to a different place that I am glad to go. But, diabetes gives me a constant fight to make the world a better place. I am not looking for better treatments, I am looking for a damn cure. If they find it (and I don't believe they will because I am both a pessimist and I can find a millions reasons why they won't find it,) I will have to find something else to fight for. Hopefully it won't be something equally as afflicting. I'll need something to write about, vote for, scream on social media over, write to my government about, and vent about to anyone and everyone who will listen. For now, diabetes gives me this. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">2. The money. Diabetes gave me a reason to watch my pennies. Long before I was in the financial industry, diabetes helped me re-focus on what was really worth spending my money on. Was I going to spend it on a really nice dinner out, or should I save it for the insulin to get me through an extra week? Hmmmm. Hard choice? Not one bit. Someone told me once that it is easier to save a dollar than make one, and I knew that I had to save it to be able to afford to live. Morbid? Sure. But, I made it happen.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">3. The community. Do I need to thank the Diabetes Online Community? Not to the extent I normally would. Y'all know how valuable you are because you value each and everyone of us every day. I can get answers in the quick typing of a keyboard, and (with the exception of a few unmentioned trolls) you have my best interest at heart, as individuals and as a whole.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">4. The people. This is a smaller collection of people. You all know who you are in the DOC because we go through the sharing, the anxiety, the worries, the laughter, the love, the tequila and bourbon, the supply exchange, and "OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO THAT CONFERENCE, TOO!?" together. I love you people because you are my tribe.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">5. The networking. Ever heard of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/YLCKansasCity/">KC YLC</a>? Look us up. We are a young professionals group dedicated to raising money for JDRF. If you live in the KC area, check out Sunset Music Festival, a free music concert at Town Center, every Thursday night in June. All proceeds go to JDRF. I'm on the board and will be at every concert. You can find us on Facebook shamelessly plugging our event. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">6. The food. I value good food better than ever before because it takes thought of what I should and shouldn't put into my body. More importantly, what is worth the insulin.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">7. The faith. I never had faith in myself before. I battled some pretty serious mental illness for a long time. I didn't realize what I was worth until I was faced with something so much bigger than me. I lucked out. Even when I want to give up, I don't. I have more faith in myself than ever before because I am deciding to live every day - no matter which obstacles I face. I will be forever grateful. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans";"><span style="background-color: white;">Diabetes is no walk in the park. In fact, usually it's one big trudge through the swamp. But, there have been some completely unexpected fantastic sides to it. It may be a club that I never wanted to be a part of, but, I'm lucky to have the membership perks along the way. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-76556495131281435142017-05-04T20:21:00.001-07:002017-05-04T21:07:52.333-07:00Won't you please, please help me.Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote to repeal and replace Obamacare, I woke up. I was lucky.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I checked my phone like normal. My sister made a post about contacting your House Rep and encouraged them to vote not to repeal the law that changed 24 million Americans lives. Her post brought me to tears. Mostly because it did not just change my life, it changed so many lives of people I know. I got up, I shared the post, and I brushed my teeth.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I checked my blood glucose level to eat my breakfast; like I do every morning. I entered my carbohydrates into my pump and I wished for the best. Every day, it's different. I eat the same thing every morning for breakfast, but it changes every day depending on how I worked out the day before, how I slept the night before, how the weather changes, and how my stress levels are. You see, it's an up and down decision and I cannot predict how it works out.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I emailed my representative (Kevin Yoder, KS) to beg him to not approve the repeal. He did not respond. He voted to repeal and replace with a less effective result, that would affect many people in the state he represents.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I went low 90 minutes after I had breakfast. Yesterday, I was high. I did the same thing today I did the day before, but the results were different. You see, your diabetes may differ from mine. Hell, my diabetes differs from mine. Every dang day.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I checked my blood sugar 13 times. I was on top of it because I had the strength, the test strips, the technology, and the willpower to see my blood 13 times. I am not as strong, or as fortunate, as I was today.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I contacted my pump company to order more supplies. Could I immediately get them? No. They had to send a request to my endocrinologist for a prescription refill to be able to fill such an order. Then, they had to take my bank account number to make sure that I could pay for it, without insurance that will cover my refills, before they would even consider sending me refills. Response: To Be Determined.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I made my pump supplies stretch. I am making sure I can make it through to make sure about refill can be filled. This could come with further complications, including, but not limited to, infection, blood clots, bruising, less responsive results, and insulin resistance.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I cried when the results came in that I would have to wait on the Senate to possibly disagree with their vote. I went to clean up myself (at my work place no less,) in the restroom and watched as my mascara ran down my face. I saw my wrinkles growing colder and older as I looked at myself and wondered how much longer I could afford to be at one job, wear makeup, and, much worse, afford to live with my medicine I so desperately need. I stared at the girl in mirror and asked, if I could be so strong, would everyone else?<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I heard a conversation about how sick this vote was making them; even though they were two able bodied people without health issues, and enough financial freedom to take care of themselves. They are very sympathetic, but they can't possible have the empathy-even though they are two of the most empathetic people I know.<br />
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Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I ate dinner and considered it based on what I could afford in carbs versus insulin ratio. When was the last time you had to do that? Honestly? When did you have to figure out what you could eat based on what your long term complications could be? A lot of my dear friends do it EVERY DAY.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I was tagged in a post by an amazing friend with Crohn's disease who fights to take care of herself and her baby every day. She has one on the way and thinks about it every minute, of every day, of how her digestive track will handle when baby number two comes. She was basically disabled after baby number one, and worries it will come after baby number two.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I watch 'Girl Interrupted' and wonder about pre-existing mental conditions that affect so many. People that are trying to get help. People that are fighting the stigma. People that aren't afraid to stand up, even at their weakest, and say, "I deserve help, too." Even though it could count against them in the long run.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I go to bed wondering if I will have 'Dead in Bed' syndrome. Look it up. It's scary. And I go to bed, almost every night, worried about it.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I called my Senator, knowing he is completely against ACA and wants to repeal it.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, I beg that people know that 24 million Americans are at risk. Plus all the ones that can't afford to get help, whether it be mental or physical health.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, And you are perfectly healthy. I was, too. But, I am also a Type 1 diabetic now. I have more on the line than ever before.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, You have an option. Contact your senators and make sure this doesn't pass. Make phone calls. Send e-mails. Picket. Speak Up.<br />
<br />
Today, the day the House of Representatives made their vote, you're the only hope I have.<br />
<br />
https://www.senate.gov/senators/contact/Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-1262412953337553352017-01-11T09:27:00.001-08:002017-01-11T12:46:00.792-08:00Thank You Mr. President<div class="_3hi clearfix" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; zoom: 1;">
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<span class="null">Last night, I watched President Obama's farewell speech. Cue the water works.</span></div>
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<span class="null">But, It wasn't just that. It was more. It reminded me that we live in a great place. In the last four years, LGBT people have earned marriage rights. (And I am hopeful that some day they will be expanded to be all inclusive with LGBTQIA.) This should keep developing in our nation.</span></div>
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<span class="null">I was reminded that our unemployment is down further than it ever has been before, and our economy is booming. This should keep driving our economy.</span></div>
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I remembered, as I do EVERY DAMN DAY that 20 million Americans now have health insurance, where they could not before. These people are blessed. We may not always be, but we always should be. If this gets repealed, I may have to choose between insulin, good food, pump supplies, test strips, and many other life saving materials I use every day. </div>
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I was reminded that a family with grace, beauty, elegance, and love came into this administration and took it by storm, like none other has before them. They are beautiful. I saw him speak to his best friend, vice president, and now brother in a way that makes me thankful for the friendships I have like that. All human relationships should be like this. </div>
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And, I listened to him thank all of us, knowing this was not one man's job. He gave us all credit and encouraged us to work together, be strong, and fight for democracy. Because of this, I will always be thankful for these years. This is how it always should be.</div>
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Some of those years have been incredibly hard for me. In 2010, I was misdiagnosed and it could have taken my kidneys and my life. In 2011, I was correctly diagnosed-in a shocking year that should have ended in death for me with a misdiagnosis like that for that long. In the past year, I have had one of the toughest ever-not because my candidate lost, or because celebrities died, or because the news is scary. It's been a tough year of personal decisions and I had the toughest break up with a man I love very much. This year has affected my eating patterns, and my stress levels to a whole new degree. I'm recovering, but it's been pretty shitty. </div>
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<span class="null">But, what I know from watching that Farewell Speech is that we have people that fight for all of us. And, if we can stick together and fight for our democracy, we will do good things. </span></div>
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<span class="null">Thanks, Obama.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-12888095752308068012016-11-14T06:47:00.001-08:002016-11-14T06:47:20.318-08:00I'll Always Be There When You Wake<div class="MsoNormal">
On July 23, 2011, I was diagnosed with <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-1-diabetes/basics/definition/con-20019573">Type
1 diabetes</a>. I was uninsured. I struggled to pay for insulin, I reused
needles even after they had dulled and left bruises on my skin. I ended up with
$80,000 in medical debt. You read that correctly. <b>$80,000.</b> In less than a year, the <a href="https://www.healthcare.gov/subscribe2/?gclid=CjwKEAiAmJvBBRDKpP724LigwngSJAAYRJXBsHkdw8akzs_jHgfmJ-EAo6fWuDGufQDXJ5T7szqmiRoCNCDw_wcB">Affordable
Health Care Act</a> would go into effect. That following November, I enrolled
for 2013. I was low income at the time-working as a server in a high end
restaurant for the first three months, unemployed for one, then started at a
job where I made $12 and hour, then given a raise for $14 an hour. This was $3
above the “<a href="http://livingwage.mit.edu/">Living Wage</a>” in my area, however,
that living wage doesn’t include the rising costs of insulin, which, at the
time, were $380 a vial. Per month. For better understanding of Type 1 diabetes,
I have to take a certain amount of insulin for every carbohydrate I put in my
body. <a href="http://www.livescience.com/51976-carbohydrates.html">Carbohydrates</a>
are macronutrients, and are only not found in proteins or fat. That means, when
I eat broccoli, carrots, cherries, strawberries, pasta, popcorn, soup, sushi
rolls, salads, potatoes, or pizza, I have to take insulin to counter act these
foods turning into <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/diabetic-ketoacidosis/basics/symptoms/con-20026470">acid</a>
in my body. (The reason I chose to list those foods is because they are my
favorites besides bacon and pickles which are free foods with no carbs!) By
2015, I found an insurance plan that fit my needs. The deductible was high, but
I had finished my degree and was managing a bar that more than paid the bills,
and working a part time job that allowed me to be off my feet, while I
recovered from knee surgery. That job is now my career and I am able to be out
of the service industry for good. I can pay for my health care, my insulin, my
seven doctors that keep me healthy, my insulin pump, my supplies, my test
strips, my lancets, the AAA batteries that keep my pump operating, healthy food
to put in my body, glucose tabs and juice boxes for when my blood sugar dips,
my continuous glucose monitor that shows my endocrinologist trends on a graph
of what my blood sugar is doing so he can make changes on a weekly basis, and
to pay for my technology and internet service to keep me connected, sane, and
mindful. I pay over $10,000 a year for all of this crap that I didn’t ask for nor
did I do it to myself. Diabetes (all types) are only one example of a chronic
illness that <b>117 Million </b>Americans
live with today. <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/chronicdisease/overview/">7 out of
10 deaths are attributed to chronic illness</a>. I’ll let that sink in for a
minute.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Something that ran President Elect Donald Trump’s campaign
was his call for a complete repeal of the Affordable Health Care Act, or what
has been better known to be called <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/scottgottlieb/2015/05/14/how-many-people-has-obamacare-really-insured/#6504272b777f">Obamacare</a>.
Now, he is saying he <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-obamacare-repeals-latest-policies-quote-replacement-president-elect-a7412621.html">will
replace it</a>. <a href="http://www.caintv.com/trump-releases-seven-point-hea">Coinciding
with his reform</a>. I don’t know which Donald to believe day in or day out. I
am hoping that they will hold insurance companies responsible to not say “no”
to pre-existing conditions. I know health care is costly. And what is going on
now is not as an effective plan <a href="http://www.pnhp.org/facts/what-is-single-payer">as we could have</a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I woke up Wednesday and heard the news about President
Elect Donald Trump, I cried. I wanted to call into work. I was afraid for people
of color, for women, the LGBTQIA, for America, and for mine and my many, many,
many friends and family with chronic illness and pre-existing conditions. My
boss assured I would be okay and we could always figure it out, even if I had
to join our group plan. But, it left me wondering: what about everyone else? I
have this saying about myself. “In a sink or swim situation; in a fight or die
problem; I am proud to be a strong swimmer and an amazing fighter.” I will
continue to swim and fight and advocate for everyone until I have no voice and
then I will learn sign language to keep going until they cut off my arms and will
write with my feet, unless complications from diabetes and a lack of being able
to care for myself takes all I have left. I just pray we don’t come down to
that. I pray for you, and me, and all the people who are covered. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-70178677660635952322016-10-03T16:31:00.002-07:002016-10-03T16:34:12.982-07:00Cause You've Got All My Attention, I Won't Lie, You're Tearing Me UpI have incredibly lucid dreams. Often I can smell, see my hands, wake myself up, and even feel things that are happening in the dream. It's a wild ride on any given night. It used to be that all I had were nightmares. That's not the case (most of the time) now. I used to write horror stories based off of my dreams. In 2013, they stopped being so scary as I learned how to re-direct them. Occasionally, I still wake up screaming or crying. But, most nights, they are just intense and I think about them for days at a time.<br />
<br />
Friday night, I had a dream I owned a lioness. She was large, and I was living in the house I grew up in. She was sweet, and soft, and smelled like laundry detergent. I named her Leah. She often circled me in the dream, showing off her golden fur and curling her tail around my legs. But, randomly, she would attack me. The first time Leah clasped her jaw around my shoulder, I was scared and I could feel her breath on my back and the weight of her body collapsing on me on the floor of our dining room. The second time Leah attacked me, I realized she just needed to be soothed. So, while the people in my household screamed, I relaxed and petted her, shushing her in a calm voice. She quickly let go and nuzzled her nose into my ear, purring and begging for attention. The third time she attacked, I immediately soothed her. She took a little longer to calm down, but eventually she did. It was then I noticed she was peeing a little bit before she attacked. My lioness, had a UTI. I'm not even sure lions can get UTI's. But, that's what was upsetting Leah. She was in pain and lashed out in the best way my domesticated lion could: she acted like a beast. I soon woke up, but I could still sense her breath, smelled her lavender laundry soap scent, I could feel her soft fur, and see the lovely oranges that made up her coloring.<br />
<br />
I thought about it for most of the morning, and even googled some of the meanings. Some of them applied, but really, all I thought Leah reminded me of was diabetes.<br />
<br />
I hate the word control when it comes to diabetes. Some times, no matter how hard I do everything right, I have no control. I can manage some times and that feels like a more accurate description. Just as I could never control a domesticated lion, I can learn to soothe and figure out what the problem is by breaking the beast apart. Some times, it is a scary and terrifying monstrosity. Some times it is a frustrating fiend. Some times, I have a "room" of people stipulating what I should be doing to get the situation handled. Occasionally, it takes me taking a deep breath and relaxing to relax my wild, feral, titan. Other times, I rely on my devices, the Diabetes Online Community, and my plethora of doctors to know how to wrestle the giant.<br />
<br />
I hear a lot, "it could be worse." This may be the worst thing to say to someone with any kind of chronic disease. Not that I would take cancer: I have seen too often, lately, what cancer is capable of. But if someone told you they had cancer, would you say, "It could be worse?"<br />
<br />
After all, unlike my time with Leah the Lion, I am never waking up from this dream.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-4681779634869848802016-05-19T15:25:00.001-07:002016-05-19T15:25:09.902-07:00So thanks for making me a fighterDay 4! More! More! More!<br />
<br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><b>Click for the </b><a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13May2016c" style="color: #78ab46;" target="_blank">The Healthcare Experience - Thursday 5/19</a></b><b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"> Link List.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">Most people who live with a chronic illness end up with a lot of experience when it comes to dealing with healthcare. How would you improve or change your healthcare experience? What would you like to see happening during medical visits with your healthcare team? How about when dealing with your health insurance companies? What's your Healthcare Wish List or Biggest Frustration? Today is the day to share it all!</span><br />
<br />
As I said in <a href="http://adventureswithlada.blogspot.com/2016/05/always-something-there-to-remind-me.html">yesterday's blog</a>, I have a great deal of experience with doctors. I feel like I see the doctors I do because I appreciate them for something different. If I wasn't satisfied with my doctors, I would go elsewhere. You know what that's called? PRIVILEGE. Not everyone has it. But, I digress.<br />
<br />
My biggest gripes with my healthcare team isn't my Endo. It's his stupid staff. When I started there, he had an AMAZING staff. They always got back to you the same day and were so friendly; even though I only saw them every three months, they always remembered me. There was even a familiar face of a sweet girl I went to school with as one of his nurses. Something happened, though. And I don't know what. But, I started seeing overturn. The only person that is still there from when i started five years ago (other than the two main doctors in the practice) is the beautiful Medtronic rep. No surprise there: Medtronic has AMAZING people working there. My Endo's assistant doesn't understand diabetes devices or that I need new supplies for my pump every three months. His nurse asked me in my last visit if I was still taking Contour Next Strips. Besides sounding hard to digest, it just baffled me that she didn't know what he was giving me. They need some education in that office. My doctor is so wonderful and advocates for me in ways that I could never imagine a physician doing. He even handed me tissues and counseled me through my divorce. He was on his way to the airport to get on a flight to lecture in Boston when my denial came in. He almost missed his flight to write my appeal letter. And I'm not special. He's a great doctor and would do it for his other patients, I'm sure. But damn, his office staff sucks.<br />
<br />
I wish they would stop asking if I was taking test strips orally. I wish they would do as much research as my boyfriend has done on diabetes. I wish they were friendlier and returned calls within 24 hours. My doctor set aside samples of Lantus in case anything happened to my pump. I got to the office two minutes after five and the nurse was getting on the elevator. I asked her to just grab the Lantus out of the fridge. SHE ROLLED HER EYES AT ME. So I stuck my foot in the elevator door and wouldn't let it shut. (Eye rolling drives me bonkers, btw.)<br />
<br />
Health insurance companies? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a joke. I go through a denial before the approve anything. Which I think is cute. I have learned that I will get what I want if my doctor and I fight for it. They never say no. We just give them a better reason to say yes. I get it. It's expensive for them to provide the better product. It's more expensive for me, too. But you know what's even more expensive? Ketoacidosis. Hospital stays. Losing a limb. Comas. MY DAMN LIFE. It's all a business, I understand. But it's not my business. My business is making sure I get what I need to take care of myself.<br />
<br />
On my Health care wish list? A cure.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-83418251860893408772016-05-18T13:22:00.000-07:002016-05-18T13:23:22.491-07:00Always Something There To Remind MeDay Three...look at Me!<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="background: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans" , serif;">Click for the <a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13May2016b" target="_blank"><span style="color: #78ab46;">Language an</span></a></span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13May2016b" target="_blank"><b><span style="background: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: "pt sans" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">d Diabetes - Wednesday 5/18</span></b></a></span><b><span style="background: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans" , serif;"> Link
List.</span></b><span style="color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans" , serif;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">There is an old saying that states “Sticks and
stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. I'm willing to bet
we've all disagreed with this at some point, and especially when it comes to
diabetes. Many advocate for the importance of using non-stigmatizing, inclusive
and non-judgmental language when speaking about or to people with diabetes. For
some, they don't care, others care passionately. Where do you stand when it
comes to “person with diabetes” versus “diabetic”, or “checking” blood sugar
versus “testing”, or any of the tons of other examples? Let's explore the power
of words, but please remember to keep things respectful.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I am a diabetic who tests my blood sugar.
And I've never thought about it before. I use the term PWD (Person With Diabetes)
because it's easier to type. I read<span class="apple-converted-space"> <a href="http://ollibean.com/person-first-language-and-ableism/">this</a></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="background: white;"> today.
And I thought it was interesting. Mostly, because I really had NEVER thought
about it before. I don't want to be seen as just a diabetic. I want to be
seen as an intelligent, well rounded woman. But part of that intelligence is
because of diabetes. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Let's back up to 2010 and before. I have
played soccer since I was three. But until around 2011, I never exercised
outside of that. I ate whatever I wanted because it seemed like it tasted good.
I didn't know shit about nutrition. And I mean nothing. I would have told you
corn was a healthy vegetable. At my heaviest, I weighed in at 204
pounds. Bulimia helped with that one. I made a lot of generalizations
about diseases and health because I didn't need to look stuff up. If I heard it
once, it was probably true. I was probably a 6 pack a day Coca Cola drinker.
Sweets were never my thing other than that. But, man potato chips and onion dip
were such a relief any time of the day. I ate anything microwaved, and I would
say it was probably about 50% of my diet, the other eating out. The activities
I enjoyed were sitting on the couch, watching television, drinking with
friends, sleeping, occasional writing, eating, and spending as much money as I
didn't have. I rarely saw a doctor and it didn't even occur to me to care. Besides,
if they said I would need blood work or a shot, they weren’t going to get it. I
passed up meningitis vaccinations and a tuberculosis test in high school
to avoid the needles. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I spent a year in misdiagnosis. From August of 2010 to July
of 2011, I was a type 2 diabetic, taking Metformin, with tingly hands, who was
thirsty all of the time, peed a lot more of the time, and lost ninety pounds
and LOOKED phenomenal in a bikini. Was I eating less crap? YEA! Was I
exercising a little more than I used to? YEA! Therefore, I knew everything I
needed to know. I was doing everything right. I was reversing MY diabetes!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">July
23, 2011, this all changed. I got an early Saturday morning call from my
endocrinologist saying that my a1c was in the 18 range and I needed to go to
the ER immediately and get insulin. Then, on Monday he had set a nine o’clock
appointment for me to come in and talk about our course of action. So, I did.
And I was terrified. On Monday, after two days of MDI’s, I hauled myself into
my Endo’s office. He set me up with a nutritionist and talked about eventual
insulin pumps, a personal trainer and a slew of doctor’s I would need to start
seeing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
nutritionist blew my mind! Did you know that drive thru food is terrible for
you!? And frozen meals have little-to-no nutrients because of all of the
preservatives? What about how your body interprets soda and juice the same way?
Or that you should have at least 35 minutes of continual exercise three to four
times a week? How about that pizza has more carbohydrates in it than just the
bread? Or that everything has carbohydrates except meat, cheese and fat? Yea!
Me neither! I see her twice a year for a refresher of all the things I forget. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Now,
exercise has become a part of my life. I eat what I crave, but also what I
need. Dinner is usually my healthiest meal. Although, now that I eat breakfast
every day, breakfast is a close contender. My favorite vegetable is between raw
broccoli or cooked Brussel sprouts. I am 5’5 and I weighed in at 151 at my last
doctor appointment last week (I don’t own a scale at home because I would focus
on that as much as my CGM graph.) If I have a question, I look it up or ask
someone that knows because I know firsthand how annoying it is when people
think they know something about Diabetes and they are talking out of their ass.
I’ve only spent about 6 months off soda, so I probably drink between 2 and 4
diet cokes every day. (EVERYONE HAS A CRUTCH GET OFF MY LAWN.) I dig small
pieces of dark chocolate sometimes, and chips are still a vice, but I do a serving
instead of four. I haven’t owned a microwave in over a year and I only use the
one at work to heat up my lunch, that is usually left over from the night
before home cooked meal from scratch. Now, I love running, writing every day,
coloring, networking, reading, going to the park, drinking with friends still,
diabetes advocacy, and going to see movies by myself. Between the dentist, the
OBGYN, the eye doctor, my endo, my general practitioner, the nutritionist and
the occasional ER or orthopedic surgeon, I see my fair share of doctor’s. And
the needles, well, they aren’t as bad as they used to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I still
don’t know that much about my health. I’m still learning more and more every
day. But, damn I know more than I did six years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I am
not insulted when someone refers to themselves as a person with diabetes. Or says
they check instead of test. But, I am not a person who has diabetes. I am a
diabetic. It changed me. It made me who I am. I test because those mathematical
numbers make a difference in the way I handle my life and the way my doctor
looks at what is my best treatment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Sure,
I am a person. But don’t discount what defines me. I don’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-5071375165670132842016-05-17T14:41:00.000-07:002016-05-17T14:52:46.154-07:00Within the Sound of SilenceTwo days in a row!? I'm on a roll!<br />
<br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><b>Click for the </b><a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13May2016a" style="color: #78ab46;" target="_blank">The Other Half of Diabetes - Tuesday 5/17</a></b><b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"> Link List.</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">We think a lot about the physical component of diabetes, but the mental component is just as significant. How does diabetes affect you or your loved one mentally or emotionally? How have you learned to deal with the mental aspect of the condition? Any tips, positive phrases, mantras, or ideas to share on getting out of a diabetes funk? (If you are a caregiver to a person with diabetes, write about yourself or your loved one or both!)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">I'm thrilled this topic is being discussed. Not because it's super happy and exciting, but so many people see the needles and the blood work and the doctors and think it's totally manageable, so why are we really complaining. Right? Wrong. While those are all important aspects, it's not all diabetes is.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">Sometimes, diabetes is being so hungry and having extremely high blood sugar, but not being able to eat. Some times it is being so full, but you went over the amount of insulin you actually needed and are dropping and have to chew up chalky glucose tabs. Some times, it's waking up many times in the middle of the night to treat or going to the bathroom. Some times it's high anxiety that you're doing everything wrong. Some times, it's all the questions about "How are your sugars?" -or- "Are you controlling your diabetes?" -or- "How did you possibly get diabetes? Could you not take care of yourself?" I often cry from stress-because I'm a crier. I can get angry when I have a bad pump site or when some one steals my brand new pump, CGM, and three months of supplies off my door step. (YES THIS HAPPENED.) It's frustration fighting the insurance companies to get exactly what you need. It's sadness when I look at my boyfriend Shawn and he sees me so angry, sad, frustrated, and annoyed-the look on his face saying that he would do anything to take it off my hands for even an hour. And, some days, it's just fine and all I see it as is the needles and the blood work and the doctors. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">How have I learned to deal with the mental aspects? Well, I haven't. But, I try. With Therapy. With my favorites in the DOC. With strangers in the DOC. And I even have one beautiful friend with <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/crohns-disease/basics/definition/con-20032061">Crohn's Disease</a> who pretends to be diabetes so I can yell at something and blame a physical being, in exchange for sometimes me pretending to be Crohn's disease. This is one of the most fantastic outlets, because we have no idea what the other is going through other than the fact that we both have chronic illnesses that don't have a cure. Some of my close friends see the frustration I have with diabetes, but other than that, I just go about my day assuming no one will get it other than the select few I've let in on the anger and defeat this disease brings.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">I don't have any advice to get out of the funk. If I did, not one would be out of it. The only thing I can recommend is to talk. And realize tomorrow may be better, or it may be worse, but it's still a tomorrow. And with all the feelings and resentment Diabetes brings, tomorrow is worth checking out. </span><br />
<br />
I think the mental aspect can take a toll on you long before the physical does in a lot of cases. It's so important to talk to someone if you're so far into the dark you can no longer see light. If it's a friend, a parent, a coworker, a sibling, a therapist, or someone in the DOC, don't fall in the silence.<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">***</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "pt sans"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">By the way, I'll be heading to MasterLab 2016 this year. If you're going, let's be advocates together! </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-39175408634592007362016-05-16T15:04:00.004-07:002016-05-16T15:04:54.763-07:00Message in a Bottle..errrr.. a Blog.It's <a href="http://www.bittersweetdiabetes.com/2016/05/diabetes-blog-week_9.html">Diabetes Blog Week!</a> This means, there are different topics every day. It's cool and I usually participate. So, let the tradition continue!<br />
<br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">Click for the <a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13May2016" style="color: #78ab46;" target="_blank">Message Monday - Monday 5/16</a></b><b style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;"><a href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dblogweek&postid=13May2016" style="color: #78ab46;" target="_blank"> </a>Link List.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">Lets kick off the week by talking about why we are here, in the diabetes blog space. What is the most important diabetes awareness message to you? Why is that message important for you, and what are you trying to accomplish by sharing it on your blog? (Thank you, </span><a href="https://unexpectedblues.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #78ab46; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 25.6px;" target="_blank">Heather Gabel</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #755a2a; font-family: 'PT Sans'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6px;">, for this topic suggestion.)</span><br />
<br />
Why am I here? Well, I started for me. I am a writer. I have published poems (four) and I enjoy slam poetry. My 2016 New years Resolution (which I've actually kept up!) was to journal every day. I've started writing two different books, one that my goal is finish and publish by the time I hit 35. Oh yea. And I have an English Writing Degree from <a href="http://web.plattsburgh.edu/">The State university of New York at Plattsburgh</a>. I started blogging because it appealed to me. It was something I could do to keep up my skills. Plus, I needed a release from diabetes.<br />
<br />
But, after I started my blog, I realized that I wasn't doing it for only me. I started making more friends in the Diabetic Online Community. I got people reading. And responding. And re-Tweeting. I realized, that maybe, JUST maybe, my blog could make a difference. Not necessarily in the grand scheme of things and changing lives. But, if one person was reading and felt for ten seconds that they weren't alone, then I did something positive with my blog.<br />
<br />
I want Non-PWD to know what diabetes is like for me. And I want them to know that it isn't like that for every one. I want PWD to read and know that I have (very openly) struggled with mental health and I don't think there is any shame in that. I want everyone I know to see that I have fought and struggled to get the devices I need, the doctors that are best for me, the insulin that cooperates best with my body, and the types of test strips I like covered by insurance. I want people to know that if your insurance company says no, you shouldn't take it for the final answer. I want people to know that, if I can do this, they can do this.<br />
<br />
My favorite job interview question is "What do you wish to accomplish most in this world?" My answer is ALWAYS: "To make a difference in someone's life." Only, it's not a cheesy job interview answer. It's how I truly feel. And if I can do that by blogging, whether it be for five seconds, five minutes, five hours, five days, or five years, then it was all worth me sitting down, putting my fingers to the key board, and talking about my diabetes on the internet.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-59822371774507520392016-04-12T18:35:00.001-07:002016-04-12T18:35:54.161-07:00So let's talk about DiabetesAbout two months ago, my pump warranty expired. No big deal, right? Wrong. In fact, it's a very big deal. This means that if something that happens to my pump, I go without my basic control over my diabetes. Sure, I could go to injections. But, it's nothing I have ever been good at. I have a fight with my body without the constant flow of insulin. I go high when I shouldn't go high and low when my math is terrible. Worse yet, I can't feel it when it's happening.<br />
<br />
Let's touch on that. Before the ACA, I could not afford insulin. My first pump and CGM costed me about $1600 out of pocket. That does not include more than three months supplies, much less test strips, insulin, glucose tabs, batteries, meter, lancets, doctors, blood work, or anything else diabetes related. The list goes on AND on. So, God bless Obama Care. Fight with me if you want, I will argue my point until I die of old age, or much worse, complications of diabetes. But, I digress.<br />
<br />
I, along with my health care professional team, have been fighting with insurance for two months now. It was all looking very bleak. We have received not one, but TWO, denials about how I shouldn't be provided with a new pump, partially covered by health insurance, because I was not hypoglycemic enough. Let's review:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hypoglycemia/basics/definition/con-20021103">Hypoglycemia, according to Mayo</a>. Yes. The last complication could mean DEATH. So, you're telling me, my life needs to be at stake in order for you to provide the tools that could prevent that? Okay. Thank you.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, after months of many blood glucose tests, my basal being increased more than it ever has been, many treatments, and lots of blood work, I received a letter that said: "After reviewing your case, we determined the initial first two denials will be overturned."<br />
<br />
HALLELUJAH! We have started on the process. What will this mean? Well, it may take a little bit. But, we have started.<br />
<br />
This morning, at six forty five, I awoke and I felt weird. I decided I was fine, but I may as well check. I grabbed my meter. 55 mg/dl. That's LOOOOW. I'm supposed to stay between 100 and 120, ideally, as decided by my care team. I could barely feel this. What if, it happened in the middle of the night? While I was driving? While I was working? I could die. From one instance. There would be nothing I could do to prevent it. Tell me, again, how this is my fault.<br />
<br />
In a very controversial year, I am facing the possibility of a president repealing the ACA. It's not perfect, I get that. But, it's something. Had this happened four years ago, I may have been fine because I have the most amazing support system any person with, or without, diabetes could ever ask for. The thing is, I'm luckier than most. Not every one is.<br />
<br />
Today, we started the process of getting me a new pump and CGM. Today, I shelled out $206 for my insulin, covering my prescription deductible for the year. This is is the LATEST in the past four years I have made it. Usually it is done by April 1. Since I have been fourteen (I was diagnosed at 27,) I have worked at least two jobs. In the past six months, I have been fortunate enough to not have to do so for the first time in my life. And I am STILL struggling to cover my disease. I pray that in ten years, the system will be better. But, we can't afford to give a health care system, that makes everyone eligible , up.<br />
<br />
I recognize that I still have luxuries that not every one has. I was able to pay for my insulin. And I know I will be able to save for my pump and CGM and make that happen, too. What happens to the 20 year old that can't? Okay, they can stay on their parents insurance until 26. What happens to the 27 year old, who is freshly diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, who doesn't have a support system?<br />
<br />
I'm so thankful. I just want to make sure that whatever happens, it keeps getting better. I don't want to look back on my children, or my nieces and nephews (whichever comes first) and wish they didn't have to worry about the decision between paying out of a pocket to save their lives, or deciding to pay their rent.<br />
<br />
These are major issues this year. And I am facing them on a day to day basis. I have had to be on the phone over one hundred twenty hours in the past two months to my insurance company, my doctors, and my distributor. I know I said that I have been blessed with only one job in the past six months. But, this...this has felt like my second job.<br />
<br />
Keep your fingers crossed for me. And every one else faced with this insidious disease.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-76834274524797892372015-12-19T20:40:00.002-08:002015-12-19T20:40:08.849-08:00If Everyone Loved and Nobody Lied<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's the season. The season where
people eat too much, drink too much, and get together with their
friends and loved ones. We often reflect on the year and talk about
what was good, and how to improve on what was bad. We post pictures
on social media of our kids having a wonderful time decorating
cookies, our holiday celebrations, our animals dressed up as reindeer
and wearing funny costumes, and hilarious memes about what the
holiday season REALLY means. It can be warm and fun, stressful and
scary, hopeful and joyous, or exciting and great expectations.
Sometimes, it's all of these.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
There's been a lot of talk lately about
how people get offended on everything on the internet. There is
always someone who you can offend by anything you post. I'm not
offended. I'm not angry. I'm thoughtful and curious, though. I've
seen this meme a few times in the past couple of days, posted by
various friends:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn52tBR88cB3w7UOpFVWGSVz6XSD4cPjqDX-l6W3hAqy7ddu5SyhZ7lc2QZEVVd-LEaHXMan_s6sqO-rKWGpxsVIIo0aHtNgHHC1t83ZOGa-q5tEURm8ppQCL5AfuA31aZU-tclgGuHahU/s1600/Diebetes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn52tBR88cB3w7UOpFVWGSVz6XSD4cPjqDX-l6W3hAqy7ddu5SyhZ7lc2QZEVVd-LEaHXMan_s6sqO-rKWGpxsVIIo0aHtNgHHC1t83ZOGa-q5tEURm8ppQCL5AfuA31aZU-tclgGuHahU/s320/Diebetes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Again, I'm not offended. Let me tell
you why. Before July of 2011, I knew NOTHING about diabetes. I
thought I did. But, I didn't. I thought it was about overeating, lack
of exercise, poking your finger, giving yourself shots, and not being
able to eat sweets. Man, it would be cool if this was true. I wish it
was. I know what you're thinking: “It's not cancer. You can get
through this and manage and take care of yourself and <i>CONTROL</i>
it. It won't kill you.” Again, man, it would be cool if this was
true.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Holidays
are the hardest time a year for me. Really, it goes much deeper than
diabetes. But, that's for private discussion. Every year, I get
together with my loved ones and we overeat and over laugh (if there
is such a thing) and reflect on the year. Every year, we sit down at
the table and EVERYONE digs in. Everyone, but me. I sit and I look at
the table and decide what is worth the insulin and what is not. I
don't care if I use more for a holiday meal than I would for a
weekday breakfast. After I calculate, I check my blood sugar
(sometimes my diabadass comes out and I do both at the same time.)
Then, I insert the carbs I'm about to put in my body. It's never
right. I usually go back for seconds, or decide I am too full and
cannot finish. So inevitably, I go high or low. I feel like crap
about an hour after eating. It's okay, because it's only one season.
I don't get mad at the people not waiting for me to do all these
things, because, like me before July 2011, they have no idea. I'm
seated at their table and they don't think about it, because they
don't have to. AND THAT'S OKAY.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Holidays
are hard because I go through more insulin and then treat and then
sleep and then wake up. But there's a chance it could go bad EVERY
YEAR. I could die in my sleep, or go into diabetic-ketoacidosis. I
could do the same thing every day and use restraint at meal times and
my diabetes could still decide what it wants to do. But, because it's
not a beast that can be tamed, and it's a crazy stressful time of
year, I don't get to decide. I didn't choose diabetes: it chose me.
While I love the people and opportunities I have had, it's still not
easy, especially this time of year.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As for
a time of reflection. This year, I joined advocacy like I never have.
I went to <a href="http://diabetesadvocates.org/masterlab/">MasterLab 2015</a> <b> </b>in
July, courtesy of Medtronic Diabetes. There, I met the amazing <a href="http://klewing/">Kristen Ewing</a> and <a href="http://phylliskaplan/">Phyllis Kaplan</a> and MY GOD SO MANY OTHERS.
In October, I joined <a href="http://thebetes.org/">The Betes Organization</a> and became a patient ambassador. We are working on an AMAZING project
to educate health professionals on the stigma of Mental Health and
how long term diseases (much like Diabetes) often go hand in hand
with psychological problems. Look for more, soon, although you have
already seen some from me. I had knee surgery in March and maintained
great blood glucose levels through it all, completed physical therapy
with a gold star, and have slowly been able to start exercising
again, which is an amazing feeling. My A1C is great according to my
doctor and good for me-although (I know many of you don't know this)
I am a perfectionist.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So
why did I bring up the meme, and the holiday table, and the
reflection? Because I want you to know that diabetes isn't coming for
you because you had too many holiday get togethers with food.
Diabetes isn't coming for you because you made poor decisions. If
Diabetes decides to come for you, it will. There are many types of
Diabetes, but it doesn't matter. We are fighting something together.
And none of us did it to ourselves. We couldn't decide to get it or
to avoid it. And it would be mixed emotions for all of us if we never
got it because we would not have the knowledge, or the friends, or
the experiences, or the fight to live without it. But life would be a
lot less risky and lot less expensive if we didn't, that's for sure.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Here's
what I am asking you:
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Part
1: please stop posting these memes. Whether it's the one about
overindulging like I posted before or about a mathematical problem
with candy bars, where the main subject ends up with diabetes in the
end, or it's Wilford Brimley and his crazy mustache saying I'm going
to give you diabeetus, just don't.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Part
2: If you personally know a diabetic, no matter the type: give them a
hug and say you're proud of them. Wait until they test and bolus
before you eat, even if you're the only one at the table that does.
Smile at them and know they are thriving, even if it is the hardest
time of the year. They need that support from you. They can eat what
they want this time and THEY SHOULD. They are enjoying themselves,
much like you are. Know this before you ask the if they should eat
that.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Part 3: If you want education, or just have a simple question, I am always here. Please feel free. If I cannot answer it, I am blessed to know a team of professional doctors and long term, well-educated, diabetics that are always ready to listen and help.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I
refuse to be offended any more about this. It doesn't do me any good,
and it doesn't do you any good. The only thing I can do is try and
help spread awareness and education. That's what 2015 was about for
me. And it can only get better from here.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Happy
Holidays. And a VERY MERRY NEW YEAR.</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #351c75;">I was not paid to write this article or promote any companies. I was not approached or encouraged to put these words on the internet. All thoughts are my own. And, for that, I'm proud. </span></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-91857160430812141042015-09-16T21:01:00.000-07:002015-09-16T21:01:53.514-07:00I Wrote the Gospel on Giving UpI hate Fallout Boy, so forgive me this one time for quoting them. I always use a song lyric on the title of my blogs, and unfortunately this one was the most appropriate.<br />
<br />
Years ago, when some days feel like yesterday, I wanted to give up on my life. It was a hard one. People would tell me, "some have it so much worse than you! Be thankful for what you have!" (Which is horrible advice to give to any one struggling, by the way.) But I struggled ALL THE DAMN TIME. It was hard to believe I could make it out alive. Luckily, even when my mental health didn't stick in there, my body did.<br />
<br />
Tonight, I hosted <a href="http://diabetessocmed.com/about/">DSMA</a> on Twitter. And it was incredible. I wanted to focus on things that reflected <a href="http://www.suicidology.org/about-aas/national-suicide-prevention-week">National Suicide Prevention Week</a>, that took place just last week. But, I didn't want to be bleak. I feel like some have talked about mental health and diabetes for years, but MANY have been discussing it as a problem as of late. Thanks to my attendance to <a href="http://diabetesadvocates.org/masterlab/">MasterLab</a> this past July, I realized I wasn't alone. And, I wanted to highlight to others that they weren't either.<br />
<br />
You see, for many years, even before my 2011 LADA diagnosis, I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. While, at many attempts at my life, and many people telling me it wasn't worth it, I just couldn't take the depression. I cannot say that diabetes has made life easier. It hasn't. It affects my wallet, my emotions, and my every day struggles with diet and exercise. I know I have privileges where many do not. I recognize I have had some things come relatively easy for me. Mental health and diabetes has not been some of them. I don't regret most things. I think I've got a pretty good reality on what is going on in my life, TODAY. But there are some days, where I wonder. I wonder what I could do better. What I should be doing. What I can do tomorrow. That's the difficult part.<br />
<br />
But, here's the deal. Diabetes threatened my ego. The depression and agoraphobia I had leading up to my diagnosis told me "You cannot do this. You <i>SHOULD</i> give up." For whatever reason, it made me stronger. Maybe I needed a kick in the pants. Maybe, I needed a doctor to look at me and say, "Do this or <i>DIE." </i> Maybe I needed something to focus on, other than my mental health. Maybe I needed to be panicked about making car payments, rent payments, AND taking care of my physical and mental health. Whatever it was, Diabetes helped me kick my life into gear.<br />
<br />
I started working out and making better choices about what I eat. (I'm not saying I don't indulge. I do. But now it's not every meal because, if it was, it would cost me a fortune.) I started looking at myself and realizing I really could make a difference to the lives I touched. I made friends that I would never know without diabetes. I began to advocate for something <i>SO </i>much bigger than me. I began to love my life and knowing that, if I didn't, no one else would.<br />
<br />
That was the point I tried to make at DSMA tonight.<br />
<br />
Maybe, I didn't get it across. Maybe I did.<br />
<br />
All I know is that I learned so much from so many people. I pray I helped them, too.<br />
<br />
A few years ago, I realized that I have so many supporters in my life. They come in all different lights. Some have no health problems. Some have diabetes. Some have so much more than that. Some have cried on my shoulder. Many, have let me cried on theirs. I'm lucky to have the people in my life. I'm lucky to have the support I have.<br />
<br />
I want to extend that to the people who need it.<br />
<br />
We can lean on each other. When you are falling, I want to catch you. When you are crying, I want to reach out and tell you I am here. When you are burning out, I want to put out your fire.<br />
<br />
A very important supportive person in my life told me just recently: "I don't do these things because I feel obligated. I don't. I do these things because I know I can. And I know that, when you can, you will."<br />
<br />
I've faced the rough patches. And I could again. But, for now, I am strong. And I am so happy to know all of you. Thanks for making my first moderation of DSMA amazing.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-473586134323053872015-07-05T18:59:00.000-07:002015-07-05T19:10:37.549-07:00On the Road AgainSo, this is my first blog post in a while. I've been slightly unmotivated, mostly because of diabetes burnout. In March, I had knee surgery to repair a meniscus tear. I was only supposed to be on crutches for two weeks, so imagine my surprise when I awoke to find out they had to put micro-fractures in my patella to make the healing process easier. With all the stress of that, diabetes seemed like an impossible feat to face.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I went times without checking my blood glucose because I couldn't bring myself to do it. Exercise was impossible being immobile, with the exception of physical therapy, which was incredibly limited with one leg. I'm naturally an extrovert and I work as a bartender so I was on the couch for almost six weeks, spending a good deal of time by myself. Diabetes was put on the back burner.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As I started to heal, and my knee felt better, I started incorporating little diabetes regimens back into my every day. I got back on my pump after being on shots for about a month. Then I started checking my blood sugar again. Diet is back under control (I say that after I had pizza tonight, but every one gets a cheat, right!?) And now, I can exercise again. I missed the elliptical and swimming so much. It feels good to be back to (almost) normal.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well, a few weeks ago, I saw a contest to win a trip to MasterLab: a diabetes conference in Orlando, FL. I never thought submitting what I submitted would win. You see, <a href="http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/blog/2015-diabetes-masterlab/">MasterLab</a> is hosted by <a href="http://diabeteshandsfoundation.org/">The Diabetes Hands Foundation</a> and <a href="http://www.medtronicdiabetes.com/treatment-and-products?wm_crID=26586395&wm_lpID=112848610&wm_ctID=519&wm_kwID=74000283&wm_content=0&wm_g_crID=76411711321&wm_g_kw=medtronic+diabetes&wm_g_pcmt=&wm_g_cnt=0&wm_g_device=c&wm_kw=medtronic+diabetes&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=medtronic+diabetes&utm_campaign=brand&wm_sd=1">Medtronic</a>, my insulin pump therapy pump provider, offered a chance to win a trip to go. To my shock, on Wednesday, I was called and said they were honored to invite me to attend. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I WAS ELATED. I was excited, and nervous, and frenzied, and honored, and had a MILLION emotions going on at once. I rushed to make sure I could get out of both my office job and working at the bar. To my delight, I was fully supported by employers and coworkers alike.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Next step? Tell my loved ones. They were thrilled and amazing. My mom (being my mom) was maybe the most excited and proud, followed closely my siblings, my best friends, and boyfriend. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, I sit here, on the eve of my flight to sunny Orlando, with my blog up and running, and stoked to be apart of this very special experience.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I get to see diabetic friends I haven't seen in years. I get to meet people I've talked to online since my diagnosis on July 23, 2011. Even better? I am going to make new friends. I will talk to the folks at Medtronic and the Diabetes Hands Foundation. I am so lucky to be a part of this.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, the only trouble I'm facing, is if I will even be able to sleep tonight.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Look for pictures, tweets, Facebook posts, and blog posts. It's going to be an amazing few days!!!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
*<i>Medtronic nor Diabetes Hands Foundation paid me to write this post. All of these thoughts are my own.</i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-60699089173874170912013-08-28T19:17:00.001-07:002013-08-28T19:17:18.486-07:00People Are Strange, When You're a StrangerBlanche DuBois, from A Streetcar Named Desire, said, "Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."<br />
<br />
I believe this to ring true for all of us at some point in our lives, but even more so for me tonight.<br />
<br />
I decided to go to a movie by myself. My friends all already had plans, were working or had a soccer game. It was a last minute decision and there are a few movies I have been wanting to see, so why not? It's something I do on occasion. It's nice to just pick a movie and go; not worrying about what any one else wants to see or what time to go, it's a pretty great getaway when you just need some time to do something by yourself.<br />
<br />
Long story short, I got pretty sick last weekend. I was put on a liquid diet for one week. I'm on day two and it hasn't been fun. So far, I have been tempted by pizza, french fries, chocolate cake and movie theater popcorn. But, for the sake of my health and feeling better, I have been sticking with it thus far.<br />
<br />
You can imagine what this has done for my blood sugars. Mostly, they have been within perfect range. Today, I ran from 80-123 every time I checked. 80 is a little low for me, but not enough to do anything. Well, since I had a meeting right after work and then went to a movie, I didn't eat. Usually, this would be an okay decision for me. I could normally make it through a couple hours and not feel anything. Unfortunately, between the liquid diet and it being four hours since I had last ate something, I started feeling really week half way through the movie.<br />
<br />
I noticed it when I realized I was sweating. Suddenly, my face felt numb, my arms felt like jello and my legs and hands were trembling. I didn't know what to do. I reached into my bag for my meter and glucose tabs. Meter reading: 38. Glucose tablet case: empty. Shit.<br />
<br />
I started to get up thinking I could go run to the snack bar and get some Sprite or juice. But fell right back down. Panic set in-yet I was too confused to realize what I should do.<br />
<br />
I looked to my right and a gentleman in his early seventies or so was getting up. He moved to the seat next to me. "Are you alright?" He looked worried. I had definitely frightened him. I explained to him I was a diabetic and experiencing a low blood sugar. Without hesitation, he stood right up and said, "I'll be right back."<br />
<br />
In minutes, the gentleman was back. In his hands, he had a small drink and some gummy bears. He had already put the straw in the drink and handed it to me. Then, he sat right down next to me and started opening the candy. I told him, "I'm on a liquid diet. I can't eat those. Thank you so much, though."<br />
<br />
He started laughing. "These are for me. You're greedy." I laughed too.<br />
<br />
Shortly after I drank half of the Sprite, he nudged me. "Check again before you finish that." I was astonished. I checked. 115. Perfect.<br />
<br />
"If it's alright with you, I'm just going to sit here next to you. Movie is almost over any way." He smiled at me. "It's nice to sit next to a pretty young lady." I felt better, both physically and emotionally.<br />
<br />
The movie ended. The lights went up. "By the way. My name is Roy. My late wife was diabetic. A type 1. And I have a granddaughter who is a type 1. Sorry if I made you worry."<br />
<br />
"Roy, I'm Charli. You didn't make me worry. You're my hero!"<br />
<br />
"Well, I don't know about that. We're strangers. But I'm glad I could help.Take care of yourself"<br />
<br />
We went our separate ways. We didn't exchange information.We just said goodbye. And I can't thank him enough.<br />
<br />
I pride myself on my independence. I think it's cool that I can go shopping, go out to eat, go to the park, and go to movies by myself. I love that I have the confidence that some people don't to do these things. But, I am also so thankful for the people around me. I can't deny that I need help some times. And I definitely can't thank some of these people enough.But I can try.<br />
<br />
To Roy: Thank You.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-59422909134639061102013-08-18T19:21:00.000-07:002013-08-18T19:21:05.885-07:00That's What I'm Rollin' WithI was asked the other day, "If you were better, would your diabetes not be so bad?"<br />
<br />
It's hard to answer this question. Mostly because "better" can mean anything in this. I know what she meant by this question was, "I see your pump and you using it. Maybe you wouldn't have to if you did better."<br />
<br />
I explained to her (very calmly I might add) that it's not about something I did to myself. I heard those words coming out of my mouth and realize how far I've come in the past three years. It's amazing to me, really, that I had the same notions of what diabetes was. I thought it was all one big disease, separated only by Type 1 and Type 2-and the only distinction being is when you were diagnosed and if you took insulin. I had prejudices against people who had diabetes-even though I knew both Type 1's and Type 2's in my family. I never took the time to learn because I wasn't forced to.<br />
<br />
But, still, her question got me thinking.<br />
<br />
I recalled a conversation I had my first night at diabetic camp. Someone called me a "good diabetic." My response? There's no such thing as good and bad in this case. We just have to be as good as we can that moment. And, just like everything else in life, there are weak moments with how you react to things and how you take care of yourself. I have both-in diabetes and other times in my life.<br />
<br />
I want to announce these things I do well and the ones I do badly. I want other PWD (People With Diabetes) to know they aren't alone in their struggles and triumphs. I want to know that I'm not alone in these things. So, maybe with these proclamations, I can do better. I can see better. And I can relate better. Because isn't that we are trying to do any way?<br />
<br />
<u><i><b>The Good </b></i></u><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I check my blood sugar before every meal. And I bolus EVERY time. </li>
<li>I try and exercise when I can and am up to it. Although it usually takes forms in Team Sports.</li>
<li>I pay attention to how I feel and don't discount it.</li>
<li>I stopped with the regular soda and I keep certain things that I know will mess with my blood sugars for special occasions. (Rice, Beer, Pizza, to list a few.)</li>
<li>I change my site every three days and I only put enough insulin in my pump for the allotted time.</li>
<li>I stay up-to-date on advances in technology so I know what's coming.</li>
<li>I am trying to be a test subject for a few diabetes related studies that will help advance us.</li>
<li>I do not get short or angry with people when they ask questions. In fact, I WELCOME THEM! I love educating on what I know. And I refer to my trusty DOC handbook (Twitter and FB mostly for lightening speed answers,) <a href="http://www.webmd.com/">WebMd</a>, <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/">MayoClinic</a>, and/or my team of <a href="http://mymidwestphysician.com/physicians/overland-park-medical-specialists/">Medical Specialists</a> when I do not have the answer.</li>
<li>I keep my pump on unless I am going in water or doing extreme activities-and then I take caution for how long I will have it off.</li>
<li>I wash my hands before I check my blood sugar so I can get the best reading.</li>
<li>I make better choices with food than I ever have before. (Not always the best, but definitely an improvement from five years ago.)</li>
<li>I check my feet daily to look for any signs of cuts, scrapes, or infections.</li>
<li>I don't drive when I'm having a low episodes.</li>
<li>I watch my weight and my a1c and keep them within normal ranges that my doctors have suggested.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<i><u><b>The Bad</b></u></i></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>I rarely check my BG two hours after I eat when my pump tells me. Unless I'm going to eat again or I feel "funny"</li>
<li>I really like to treat with candy when I'm low. I'm sick of Glucose tabs-except grape and green apple-both which I can rarely find. I should try juice boxes. But I NEVER think to buy them.</li>
<li>I over treat some times. If I could explain to you how low blood sugar feels, and you could feel it with me, I don't think any one could blame for this. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, WHOA.</li>
<li>I never use alcohol pads to clean my skin before a site change. I have boxes upon boxes upon boxes of them. Just don't use them.</li>
<li>I can't tell you the last time I've changed my lancets-in any of my devices.</li>
<li>I don't always remember to cover my site with the little round disc thingy when I go swimming. I'm sure during the summer I get a healthy does of chlorine, lake and river water. (This is when I use the alcohol pads.)</li>
<li>I always forget to keep track of my three days when I'm supposed to change my site so OCCASIONALLY I don't remember to pack supplies or insulin to work. Luckily, I only live four minutes away,</li>
<li>I only upload my pump into my doctors system (so he can see the numbers) about twice a month. And it's very inconsistent.</li>
<li>I listen to the DOC often before I listen to anyone else. Maybe it's not all bad. they are the ones with the experiences and the knowledge!</li>
<li>I forget to schedule more time to blog because I get busy with other stuff and I don't always have access to a computer. </li>
<li>I drink. And sometimes more than two when I do. </li>
<li>I love French Fries and cupcakes and ice cream and anything with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbohydrate">carbohydrates</a>.</li>
<li>I wear flip flops. And heels. And I got barefoot. One of these every day.</li>
<li>I make excuses when I do bad stuff. ^ See all of the above.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<u><i><b>The UGLY</b></i></u></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>I make jokes about how some day I'll have dementia. Or die from complications of diabetes. People don't take them well.</li>
<li>I've treated a low blood sugar with a beer. It was a test more than anything. But probably not my best decision I've ever made.</li>
<li>I don't wear my <a href="http://www.medtronicdiabetes.com/products/continuousglucosemonitoring">CGM</a>. I hate it. It's scary and leaves scars that are far beyond the physical ones. I got a different company one from a friend who had a spare. I am going to try it out, but I have to get the supplies for it.And I have to wait until I have insurance for it. I haven't even taken it out of the box yet because of various reasons.</li>
<li>I have lost touch with a lot of the DOC. I forget about DSMA a lot. I am rarely on twitter. And I'm just not up-to-date like I used to be. Life threw me some curve balls and I've lost touch.</li>
<li>I haven't been to a convention or conference in over a year now. I hate it. Again, curve balls.</li>
</ul>
<div>
It's not all pink ponies and fields of daisies. But, it's not all chainsaws and tragedies either.I do what I can, when I can. And I try to forgive myself when I can't. I pray for people to be more understanding, and hopefully I can teach a little on the way. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In the mean time, I can be at peace with my successes and my flaws. </div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-23987539196991115302013-07-29T17:43:00.002-07:002013-07-29T17:43:30.378-07:00Dream a Little Dream<div class="MsoNormal">
As long as I can remember, I have had the most vivid dreams.
It started very little as nightmares or dreams of being a princess where my
night in shining armor would come rescue me. Then, I moved on to other ideas of
how life should be. At the age of eight, I read that Steven King (who I actually
was reading at the time) wrote his terrifying thrillers and horrors from dreams
he has had and taken notes on. I have a kept a journal bedside since I was
eleven to record some of the chilling ones that would keep me awake if I didn’t
get them out of my head. I have written short stories on the really horrifying
ones, and the people who have read them always had goose bumps before they put
them down. Talking on the phone to my Grandma a little over a year ago, she
asked, “Are you still having those horrible night mares? It was impossible to
keep you in bed as a child, let alone get you down!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always been able to do things in dreams that people
claim to be impossible. I can see my hands. I can change between first person
and third person. I can remember them. I have died tragically in dreams. I have
watched above at my own funeral. I have talked to loved ones who have passed
away and felt comfort from them wiping my tears. I have slept walk and found myself
in some peculiar places: on top of the kitchen table, with food all around me
and the table set has been one of my favorites. I have jumped on clouds and
spoken to angels. I have flown. I have saved the world and destroyed it. I have
been chased, and chased back. And I have been in war jumping in an out of
trenches.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About seven months ago, the night mares stopped! It has been
wonderful. I have the strangest dreams, but they aren’t scary nor do they leave
me with horrible anxiety. They make me wonder if I took drugs the night before without
knowing it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last night was a first. I’ve only been diagnosed with
diabetes for almost three years. As type two originally, then LADA. I’ve been a
pump user for one year, six months and some odd days. And diabetes has yet to
enter my dream world, until last night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was just walking through a park, with my meter case in
hand, when my pump started going off. “Dangerously Low Reservoir” it said. (It
never truly displays that.) Within a minute later, “Warning! Low Blood BG.” I
stop to check and my meter says 41. I look for glucose tabs in my meter case,
but of course they aren’t there. My pump starts vibrating again. “You’re High!
You’re High!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What is going on with my pump!” I think. It never talks
like this!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Just kidding.” It reads. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I laugh out loud. Then, one more display.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re going to be okay.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I woke up and was a little anxious. I was high most of the
day. But my pump wasn’t yelling at me. I did have to change my site today, but
not because my pump told me, “Dangerously Low Reservoir.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My pump is of course a part of my every day life. But it
never has appeared in my dreams. And I’ve never had a conversation with it
before. This was a first. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m intrigued to find out when it’s going to make it’s next
appearance in my dream world. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2473933660993674679.post-62719158932511921602013-07-23T15:38:00.001-07:002013-07-23T15:41:42.239-07:00The Sun is the Same in a Relative WayOn July 23, 2011, I received I startling phone call from my new endocrinologist. It was eight thirty on a Saturday morning, so I was even more shocked. He said, "you need to go the ER immediately. There's no more waiting."<br />
<br />
I had been diagnosed as a type two diabetic just eleven months earlier. I was put on Metformin and Victoza to control my blood sugars, but nothing was working. I was losing an incredible amount of weight (90+ pounds,) I was always tired, I couldn't eat or drink enough, I was weak, sweating a lot, and I had sensations of parts of my body feeling "asleep" that I never knew possible. <br />
<br />
I was scared after we hung up the phone. I was crying and called my mom to let her know that I was headed into the ER under doctors orders. At 2100 miles away, she sounded calm, but, admittedly now, she was scared and just as panicked as I was. <br />
<br />
I remember walking into the ER of the hospital and seeing my doctor waiting for me. He was in casual clothes, which I had never seen him in before and his face was somber. He was concerned and stayed with me for the next five hours to observe me and my reactions to an IV of fluids and the start of insulin. He reassured me that I hadn't failed (which I thought I did,) but it was my body failing me. He was like a knowledgeable friend that I needed. I was petrified of needles, but he and the nurses showed me how to use them. They had patience with me and calmed me down when I was hysterical. I can never thank them enough for how amazing they were in that ER.<br />
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I remember thinking, if I would have done this better I could have avoided this. I shouldn't have eaten so much fast food. I should have exercised more. I should have paid attention to my body. I shouldn't have drank so much in college. I obviously did something horrible to deserve this and karma was now kicking me for all the people I had let down. Diabetes was pointing in my face and laughing for all the judgements I had passed on other people. I could no longer do what I wanted to do. Kids would never be an option for me- although I had never wanted them previously, it felt like Diabetes was now making my decision for me. <br />
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I was given needles and insulin pens and sent home to start my new life. I thought my life was over. I got nervous that I would lose my feet and my eye sight. I got online and everything scared me about diabetes. I read everything I could possibly read through tears. <br />
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In the next couple of months, I started talking about diabetes more. I talked about it with friends. I talked about it with family. I saw a nutritionist and a CDE and asked more questions than I can remember the answers to. I talked about it with strangers and co-workers. Then, I talked to my employer.<br />
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I worked as a nanny at the time and she said that one of her co-workers had a daughter with diabetes. I got her email and I nervously typed, thinking she would think I was such a freak for reaching out to a complete stranger. But she wrote back! We set up a meeting for dinner. <br />
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<a href="http://www.meanddblog.com/">Jess</a> greeted me with a warm smile and a hug. She told me about the Diabetes Online Community and that they were getting together in a few weeks because there were a few in Kansas City that always met up and took care of each other. I wasn't sure I should go. Meeting a room full of strangers that might judge me for not doing things the right way? No, thanks. But, I swallowed my pride and I went. <br />
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This was one of the best decisions I ever made. They were wonderful. <a href="http://strangelydiabetic.com/">Scott</a>, Babs (and Type Awesome John,) Bob, and Jess all met me with welcoming smiles. They invited me to share my story and they shared theirs. I forgot a pen needle at home and Scott had an extra. I felt safe and comfortable. <br />
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They told me about the DOC more and conferences and meet-ups. They taught me that people all over the world were going through what I was going through and I would be fine.<br />
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All the initial fears started to melt away. I admit, losing my feet and eyesight still bothers me every day. But the rest of it? It's all gone now.<br />
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They took me to my first conference in January. I was about two weeks before starting insulin pump therapy and I saw all these brave little kids running around with this disease that was so much bigger than them. I talked to rep from a pump company and she gave me a hug. She told me she went through the same thing twelve years previous. Once she found out I was a nanny, she asked, "Ever thought about being a diabetes camp counselor? It will change your life."<br />
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Man, she was right. I decided to do it. So for a week last summer, I went to camp and had one of the best experiences of my life. It was amazing. And mind-blowing. And life-changing. These people were all so strong, and they said the same thing about me. They even made me believe in myself. <br />
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I learned about the <a href="http://youcandothisproject.com/">You Can Do This Project</a> and watched videos that will inspire me forever. (Admittedly, I have not made one yet. But it's on the bucket list.) I learned about <a href="https://www.facebook.com/WDDBlueFridays">Blue Fridays</a> and the amazing woman behind it. I learned about <a href="http://diabetessocmed.com/">DSMA</a> and a forum that would change my bad days into the best days. I met some of my best friends on a Twitterverse that I never thought possible.<br />
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I became and Advocate for JDRF and The American Diabetes Association.<br />
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Someone once said to me, "[Diabetes] is a club you never wanted to be a part of." So true, but I have wonderful support.<br />
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Throughout these two years, I have learned more about myself than I ever could have imagined. I learned I could conquer a fear of needles-a fear of anything. I learned I could make friends no matter how scared I was. I have learned that people will always be in your corner when you let them. I learned that some doctors really, really care and will do everything to protect the Hippocratic Oath. I learned that some doctors are full of shit and really have no idea what diabetes means. I learned that I can find all of the information I need when I seek it out. I learned that I can take care of myself. I learned to roll with the punches and let go of some of the stuff I can't control-although, I admit this one is still in the works of the learning process. I learned that my best friends will offer me a kidney because we have the same blood type and there is a good chance I might need it. I learned that people can love you, diabetes and all, whole-hearted, and not look down on you because of box that is connected to you or scars that will forever be around from a harpoon of a CGM. I learned that people want to learn, despite the misconceptions they may have. I learned that your best friend will make up a ridiculous story about your "pager" just to keep you laughing when someone else is being an idiot. <br />
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I have been really lucky through my journey. Sure, I have had struggles and I will continue to have them and fears of all the things that could go wrong. But at least I'm not alone.<br />
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On my two year diaversary, I look back and I am thankful to have this disease in a day and age where everything is developing. I am thankful to have all the resources I have. I am so lucky that I have access to what I have access to and it's not a death sentence of something that will determine everything in my life. I am thankful for all I have learned and all I have proved to myself.<br />
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I am welcoming myself back to the blogging world with warmth in my heart, a smile on my face, and a cupcake in my hand. <br />
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Happy Diaversary to me!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11835622715758159412noreply@blogger.com5